Never thought I would say this...

Well, I never thought I would say this, but my boyfriend and I have broken up after more than 2 years.

It is a really weird feeling.

My stomach is in knots and I can't eat anything - I'm getting my nutrients from hot chocolate.

To think that at the end of a horrible day there will be no "make you feel better" hug waiting for me. No fun outings and shared laughs. No one around that truly understands. No one to contact for a "spur of the moment" chat or coffee expedition. No one to share what's happening in my life each day that truly cares. (Okay, parents aren't quite the same, friends have their own life). No one for me to give support to and hear about his day. No stories about his life. No sharing in his achievements. No going through life together working through problems together. You are on your own girl. Sink or swim.

I feel really sad, the tears are falling as I type this, however I'm glad that I'm typing this none the less. It's good to get the emotions out. This was a huge, most-special ever chapter in my life, that I was privileged to be part of, but that has been closed. Closed without me wanting it to be closed. But I have to respect that nevertheless.

I prayed this morning that if we are not meant to be together that we would break up very soon and that it would be very clear to us that it is the right thing. It isn't very clear to me at all that it is the right thing, but maybe in time I'll get married and look back and see that it is the right thing??? Can't really imagine that though... ugggghh, freaky.....

I think I'm going to throw up.

On the bizare side of things: I am now free to go overseas!!!! Why would I consider this bizare? Because he always wanted to go overseas, but I didn't think it would work out if we weren't married and I didn't want to go by myself cos I would miss him. Life is humourous - in a bizare way.

On the positive side of things:
Well, I could list a bunch of them, however if I had to choose them over being with my ex, I don't think there would be a competition.